(London, England) Everyone has been anticipating this moment all year. Finally, the English have announced the winner of the British Academy Film Award for best actor. The only problem is, he’s not British, and he’s not an actor. In an interview, John Jackson, one of the announcers in the award ceremony, explained, “We didn’t have any good actors this year, but we needed to find someone. We were looking for a nominee who actually had some talent when we stumbled across the name of your silly former President. Apparently someone put his name in as some kind of joke, but who cares? We had the actor we needed!”

When asked what he meant, he said, “You don’t think he’s an actor? You Americans are more stupid than I thought. He fooled you all. Where’s that bloody wall?”