(Washington DC) Today, with help from some reliable sources, we have uncovered the reason that Nancy Pelosi is not in a nursing home. An anonymous person was tailing Pelosi when she visited Russia and noticed her repeatedly drinking from a flask. At one point during her visit she made a deal with a seedy-looking person and got her flask refilled with a strange looking liquid. “Zis es vy se es not in a nurzing home. Se es getting vater vrum Ze Vountain of Youth!” says our anonymous Russian informer. This is a reasonable assumption, seeing as Pelosi is like 124 and is not in rehab. This also explains why Pelosi keeps going t0 foreign places and returning looking younger. I encourage all my readers to delve into her past, while I send my agents to try and find the fountain of youth. I assure you this is a reliable article.