(North Korea) – Reports are surging in about the famine in North Korea. Our reporters have conducted surveys of the commoners in North Korea, “We are fine, totally fine…” says Korean sanitation worker Bing-Bong Kim,”I have never been better. I want to thank our wonderful dictator deity, Kim Jung Un for providing us with sustenance and socialized medicine. I think the world should butt out of North Korean affairs, Kim Jung Un is making sure I stay alive and well.” In an interview with Kim Jung Un’s daughter she claimed, “Famine? Food shortage? Are you insane? My dad just took me on our yearly tour of the nation where we visit most of the farms, restaurants and missile silos in Korea. It is so fun. I really love the souvenirs we get from the places we stop. One time my dad bombed a KFC because they were out of cheese dip. On the way home this year, we stopped by the food reserves for carryout. Every morning, we get up, eat our 12 course breakfast, do yoga, do lypo suction, eat our 15 course lunch, drop bombs on South Korea and in the toilet, do yoga, do lipo suction, eat our 20 course dinner, do evening sumo wrestling, and go to bed. There is no food shortage, I would have been informed.” There you have it folks, there is no food shortage, straight from the horses mouth.