This Christmas season, you may find it hard to pick out the perfect gift for your acquaintances. Fear not, for I am here to help. In the following article, I have listed a type of person, and the gift you should give them.

1. Anyone under the age of 2: Small children love flamethrowers, so I would recommend getting them the latest model. If you do not feel comfortable entrusting such a dangerous item to your toddler, you should just give them lighter fluid and a few matches, which would do a little less damage to your property. If you don’t give either of these to your children, I am calling social services. 
2. Your neighbor with the annoying small children: Get a tie out leash like the ones they use for dogs and send it to them with a note that explains how to use it to help their kids. https://www.acehardware.com/departments/home-and-decor/pet-supplies/leashes-and-collars/8298895?store=15819&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7JKg3pzPgwMVtk1HAR0LBAPGEAQYASABEgKLx_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
3. Any democrats in your life: The OG Sleepy Joe Cannabis. It was designed by snoop dog to make you forget what country you are in. If you take it, you will feel like Joe Biden. https://blimburnseeds.com/sleepy-joe/
4. Anyone From Texas: Fully Automatic Military Surplus assault rifles, or Mexican begone traps. https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwis6pytoc-DAxUuY0cBHVBRATwYABA1GgJxdQ&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIrOqcraHPgwMVLmNHAR1QUQE8EAkYBSABEgKcvvD_BwE&sig=AOD64_085zheQDSbN-7nmKUteUimAph0Ew&adurl&ctype=5&ved=2ahUKEwia8Y-toc-DAxVfF2IAHc6DAhUQ8w56BQgBEMYC&nis=8
5. The people who run the Chinese restaurant down the street: Crickets for them to talk to, and fentanyl for them to have with their crickets
6. Bernie Sanders: Give him hand knit mittens with hammers and, sickles, and an autographed picture of Doctor Strangelove.