Most websites have health food articles on them, so I decided that I would write an article on the magical properties of the healthiest food I know of. Sour Patch kids have many surprising qualities which make them an invaluable resource and the main import of North Korea. The following are the surprising uses for Sour Patch kids.

1. Sedative: Surprisingly, if you eat around 1500 Sour Patch kids in one sitting, you will go to sleep for a very long time. I got this tip from a good friend of mine. We are so tight he lets me call him Kimmy.
2. Italian Sour Patch Stew: When Italian children are sick, their parents blend up the kids and put them in a stew made of vino. The kids feel better immediately. Then they add Sour patch kids to the stew.
3. DIY Friend: If your friends work in a nuclear power plant, ask them to bring some Sour Patch kids with them. If the Sour Patch kids get irradiated, they will come to life. They will be over 60 feet tall and they don’t mind if you eat them.
4. Sour Patch Turkeys: This is a great one for Thanksgiving. You take a Turkey and stuff it with Sour Patch kids. Then you dump Mtn Dew on top. You then garnish it with some sugar. That ought to be enough for one serving. You may need to make multiple for seconds.

Have fun using all these projects! Also have fun with diabetes!