I was there when sleepy/crooked/crazy/senile Joe Biden made a fool of himself on live tv. The most useful thing he said was that under his administration we finally beat medicare. Of course we beat medicare, that was obviously one of Joe’s campaign promises. I was there when he claimed that he joined the race because a couple beer swillin, prairie fire starting, Tik Tok e-girl Neo-nazis came out of the woods and he talked to the lady and the house burned down and I like cheese. I was sitting here on my couch when Joe realized that he was too senile to have nuclear launch codes in his pocket, and thus he posted a message on twitter announcing that he was dropping out of the presidential race. I was there when Kamala suddenly decided that she should start fundraising for her presidential race. That is where our article begins. This article will have several different lists among other thoughts about the democrat nominees.

Top Five Candidates Who Are More Qualified than Krackhead Kammy:

1. Charlie the Chain-smoking Chicken: I met Charlie down at the farm, and he immediately impressed me with his ability to answer simple questions without breaking down into giggling fits.
2. Big Chungus: He has a remarkably high IQ in comparison to Kamala, and he has the looks that Kammy lacks.
3. Pretty much any Teletubby: Those Teletubbies are very smart. They can communicate in a mostly understandable way and they have a less annoying giggle than Kamala.
4. Curt Cobain: He will probably hurt the country less than Kamala will, and at least he isn’t quite as high as the Empire State building.
5. A Straight White Male: 😎

The reason Kamala Harris can’t be trusted with our country is that she is a diversity hire. There is no other way to put it. She is a black woman, and thus you cannot vote for anyone else at risk of being racist. It would also be racist to say that she has negative IQ and would be more at home working in her kitchen. Or maybe that’s sexist. Anyway, she is going to get voted for mostly by childless cat ladies, and the members of all black sororities. She might also get Indian votes from the Hawk Tuah tribe, but that’s about it. She notice that so she hired another childless cat lady by the name of Tim Walz. He immediately caught her eye and they bonded over killing babies and transing the ones who survive. Tim brings a very special help to Kammy’s campaign, in that he can help secure the vote of those men who play in women’s sports so that they can succeed. Here are the top things that they will change if they get elected.

1. They will force us to eat chilled monkey brains and drink the blood of Kali just like Kammy’s ancestors did.
2. They will tell us that all our computers have virus.
3. They will make all the secret service agents drag queens.
4. They will try Netanyahu for crimes against humanity. (Crimes against suicide bombers)
5. They will put a Rosa Parks mural on the outside of the White House.
6. They will make the national anthem be rap.
7. They will open the borders entirely and declare us a territory of Mexico.