Joe Biden felt as though he needed a new campaign strategy, so he released his ‘Big Ten Campaign Promises’ just this morning. Without further useless talking, let’s list these promises so that Joe doesn’t fall asleep while reading this article.

1. Snow: Snow is the most racist thing on the planet. It is mostly either white, or yellow. Where is all the black snow? Joe has decided to make all snow black if he gets elected.
2. Chess: Biden promises to change chess so that the black pieces go first. He also wants everyone to put the pieces away in the same pouch so that they are not segregated.
3. The Lincoln Memorial: Lincoln’s statue will be replaced with a statue Joe’s homie Snoop Dog.
4. Ring Tones: All ring tones must be changed to a recording of Joe saying “I Did That!” so that they do not sound like the phones are speaking Chinese.
5. Hunting: You may no longer hunt people who identify as deer.
6. Mexican Food: It must be referred to as indigenous desert taco people food.
7. The White House: The White House must be painted pink so that it is inclusive.
8. Michael Jackson: Jackson Mississippi was totally named after him. This sounds really weird.